Guess it's not goodbye afterall...

Well, maybe I'll blog a bit everywhere. If I can keep up with everything anyway.

I wrote an email to my dad two nights before... and I had to think about so many bad memories... He asked me to tell him what I thought about him. And that's what he got.

"The impact you've had on my life is both massive and devastating. I have felt like I was stuck, hurt, empty, neglected, and rejected."

If anybody else can say that about their fathers, then it's quite obvious they're not really good fathers.

My email turned out to be really really long. Which is usually how my emails are like. I don't think any other email has made me feel the way I do about this one. I've told him why I thought it's best if he and mum got a divorce. They haven't been living together for 10 years and it's like they're divorced already. But they haven't. And dad's still together with the other woman. Why the heck are my parents still married? I've told him that I understand it's not entirely his fault he can't communicate with others properly, his family weren't the best either. I told him that I would listen to him if he ever needed someone to talk to... but that's the most I can do.

I don't even want to start on how my dad treats my mother... It's painful to grow up without a father figure. The development of a daughter depends heavily on the father. And I'm sad that my sisters are also going through this. My mother has definitely been through enough.

It's good I can finally let him know what I think... after 10 years... (must restrain from swearing...) Now I feel like I can move on a bit easier. The wounds are definitely still there... it's time to start to heal...

I'm glad that God's by my side through all of this... And I'll follow Him for the rest of my life.

Thank you to the friends who listened to me... Candy, Kat, and Lachlan.  

Goodbye

Laters Xanga... I'm moving off to myspace

I'm quite foolish with my feelings, always lashing out, always wanting too much.

Hmm... I have to hang out the clothes now, so sunny a day. I have to do the dishes too. My family's coming home tomorrow. And um... I've hurt a great deal of people. Not full on physically, but for holding back, enclosed, secretive. So, this is a sincere apology. I'm sorry, to all those that I've hurt.  

So take a look at me now.

I can actually laugh and smile for real. Without my Father God, I'm nothing. And I thank Mr. Fung, I didn't understand his advice until a few nights ago... which is saying something because he gave the advice 5 years ago. Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not coform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you wll be able to test and approve what god's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." He was, and still is, a good teacher :) His and Miss Lu's baby girl is beautiful, and she's a lucky one ;)

^_^ Buh-bye now, if I know you, I'll add you onto www.myspace.com/stanzialexial, if not... then um, I dunno~ hahahaha Laters

Global warming is not ozone thinning

Dum bum! hahahahahaha

Environmental eng this thursday... then it's maths which could potentially be the death of me :) Or actually, computing is more of the death of me. Ecology should be fine... it's different because I actually enjoy the subject!

"Jack, I swear..."

Jack Twist, that's such a cool name :)

(Yes, I watched Brokeback Mountain)

My rabbit refuses to use its potty tray... Seriously! Don't let it into your bedroom... Because it could get pretty bad...

I want.. I don't know... hahahhahaha Have a nice day you

Oh darn, I can't upload my loverly photo because it's too big... oh well, I'll just stick with George then... she's a cool cucumber :)

I love Dead Like Me. It's such a great show! Sure there's profanity, but what show doesn't? Well... you know apart from Sesame Street... anyway, that's not the point. It's a funny show! My God, it's so funny!

"Call me an angry little thing again and I'll stick this dart between your twinkling eyes!"

Eric Mccormack... Mc cormack... I can't spell his last name, in other words, Will from "Will & Grace" does an appearance. He's so cool! Though it is a bit weird seeing him play a straight guy. He handles it just fine :)

Go Ellen Muth!!

Callum Blue... ahh Callum... what a name! I want to name my son Callum. My first son would be named Max, my second son Dylan, my third son Callum! Damn Dylan's a good name! I have no idea what it means! It's just Tommy's little brother's name in Rugrats.

My first daughter would be named Joan, no doubt about it, then second daughter... Megan, because I think Lois should've been called Megan, :P Third daughter... hmmm.... one of those uni-sex names! I just can't remember what it is... it's definitely not Junior... Umm.... It's not coming to me... when I remember I'll write it down :P

And I am so into Ecology! I definitely should've done Biology instead of Chem, and Art instead of Specialist during year 12... gah what a waste...

Nevermind... I'll just try and change my subjects... or something...

I hate math

hate it so much! because i can never the errr... cripes understand it. Specialist is the worst subject in the world! Even worse than accounting... Gawd!!

Hate math so much that i just wanna squeeze it so hard that there's not a breath left in its tiny little body!! Thank you Joan Cusack. And your brother is hot.

I apologize to those who like math, and have nothing against it, but I just don't get it!!

List of actors that I find hot:

Robert Downey Jr.

Jeff Daniels :)

John Cusack :P

Jim Carrey!

and uh... can't think... oh yeah!

Eric Christian Olsen, the only younger one... ha!

OH ohh! Any guy with white hair basically, with naturally white hair that is~ you know, the Richard Gere type... just kills me~ Harrison Ford has white hair now... This whole thing started with Tom Cruise in Collateral!! Just got me hooked!! Note that I don't like Tom when he has brown or blonde or whatever colour apart from white...

I'm not obsessed with old people! Or maybe I am...

List of actresses I find hot:

Gong Li (Hatsumomo in Memoirs of A Geisha... I can't get over her... just so evil!! AGain, my obsession with evil people....)

err......

Mind blank...

Zooey Deschanel

Emily Mortimer

Geena Davis!! (it's A Long Kiss Goodnight that got me hooked onto her :))

Christina Ricci ;)

Yay~ I have a list~!

hehe here goes :)

Psalm 5:7-8 "But I, by your great mercy, will coe into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple. Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies - make straight your way before me."

I love the Bible :)

And I love you, God~

The acid in orange juice stung my hands so badly today... it was searing... or is it seering... i dunno... what does seether mean? My hands are getting better... i just won't be peeling oranges with my bare hands.... from now on... I better study now~ hohoho!

Love always!! Have a loverly night/day, whichever you prefer :D

When I think about how I was before and how I am now... I like me now.

As in I used to hate my own guts. I managed to prevent myself from beating myself up literally, but not emotionally.

I have found God truly, for the first time in my life. I know what He wants me to do. I've found my purpose again. Cynism kept me away, and also the want to run away.

I'm just one of those people who has to go through the "hard way" before understanding dawns on me. Pretty messed up... hah...

I'm really tired now, but that don't matter.

I'm studying at Monash University nows~ hohoho quite exciting... I was supposed to study but I ended up watching Must Love Dogs with my mum. I quite liked that movie. John Cusack has always been a hottie, even when he's middle-aged... or maybe more than middle-aged. Me and my obsession with older men. :P

John has that... captivating depressing look~ You just feel so sorry for him that you have to give him a big bear hug... and then... well, let's not get into that right now.

But no, really, he is very good-looking :) A dark, handsome one he is.

Yay.. go me

I'll just go to bed now

before i waste more time.... Cheers!

And I love you God!!

Of course I love you too!!